Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
