meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
