its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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