I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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