I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
