I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
