i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
