don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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