He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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