the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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