he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
