Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
