I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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