I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
