i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
