I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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