there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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