She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
