I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
