I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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