Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Randomize
