I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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