i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
