Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
