She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
