I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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