So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
