Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
