WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
