And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
