I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
