One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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