If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
