Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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