So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
