I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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