shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His nipple licking is glorious
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