Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
