I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ketchup is God's man juice
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
