Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
