the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my shit smells like andre
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
