Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
