My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
