She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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