yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
