i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
