thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
