my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
