she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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