Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
