I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
