But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
