You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I bet he comes in French.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There are leaves in my underwear?
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