never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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