Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the raccoons are back...
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