u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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