And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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