i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
