can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
