Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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