The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
