somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
