I am in a vortex of obligation.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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