you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
