4 words: hood of his car
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
