Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
