dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
