I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
